Naked

I feel almost naked!! Our barfy baby is on his way to the Shelter - Bad Judge, Bad Judge, naughty parents, naughty parents, dirty word, dirty word!!!!! After the 3 toddlers leaving last week and now our barfy baby gone - we are down to 1. And in a few minutes I will be without e-mail for a day or two as I have to pack my laptop up to travel.

I was estatic to hear that Mak - our 5 year old delinquent (he got suspended from preschool today for being a bully) - is glad to hear that we are "almost on our way". I think he likes me. The last time I talked to Destini - our 7 (?) year old bully - I asked her what she remembered about me and her answer was " you're 51". Now that smarts!! I haven't had the courage to ask any of the others when they answer the phone :) But I know that next Christmas I'm gonna be the meanest Grandmother around (Ty says I'm called Amah 'cause I'm to old to be Grandma!) because not one of the children has written a thank you for the mega gift that I sent to them last year. As badly as I dislike the idea of kids sitting around in front of video games - I found a 'dance pad' that I thought they would enjoy. Only problem was - after I purchased it and had it drop shipped - it was for a ps??? and they didn't have one of those. It was the only type of box that they were missing - but they aren't now. Come to think of it - I guess there isn't anything else they need for gifts. Now that's the way to look at it!!! No thanky no gifty. I sound so mean and heartless!!! And if all they can remember is how old I am ? ? ? ?

Anyhow, tomorrow it is off to the wild blue yonder with our whiney baby. The flight attendents are soooo going to love us. And so are the other first class passengers!! For our anniversary trip - Papa upgraded us. And I know we will be more loved than we would have been if we'd had both infants. But I'll bet we won't make the "most popular list" tomorrow. HEE HEE.

Our entire congregation iat Faith Baptist s praying for PeeWee (the barfy baby) as he is relagated to the bowels of the "system". I'm still in shock over the simple fact that parents would rather see an infant is the "Shelter" and the judge would actually sign an order that would put him there, rather than have the people that have cared for him since he was 8 days old take him on a trip. It just does not make any sense at all to me. It is so totally beyond my sensabilities that I am still having trouble grasping the entire idea. Write to the Florida Dept of Children and Families and complain. When we return I will probably still be ticked and will make sure that everyone that counts hears about it. When the DCM said that the "judge is upset with the department so he has ruled for the parents all week" I absolutely about peeeed my pants!!!! Just in protest!!!!! Enough of my soapbox and Papa is waiting to pack this lifeline of mine so I have to say

See ya soon!!!!!

Travel

Only 2 more days and I will get to see my BABIES!! I am counting the hours. I'm still irritated with the judge, the DCM, and the whole DCF system in general - but it is not enough to quell my excitement over getting to see the kids. I'm all packed and ready to go. Lonnie is doing his extra long visit with his parents - what they are going to do with a 4 month old for 2 hours at the park is beyond me :) I will diaper and dude him for the trip and pack the car tomorrow as Papa says we have to be on the road at 0430 on Thursday!!

I got my "garage sale leftovers" all boxed up and sent off to the thrift store - since I didn't sell anything, it all went. I have to do the last few things to close up the house, got the newspaper stopped, put in a stop on the mail - and I'M READY TO GO!!

I am upset with PeeWee's mom - after the big todo over him going with us - she didn't bother with her visit this week either. So that makes 2 weeks in a row that she didn't bother. Last week she called just before the visit and said she couldn't get there from where she was and didn't ask for a reschedule. This week, she hasn't even bothered calling to set up a visit to start with. So - this should look really good on her record ~~~~ I've done everything I can do - it's up to her now!!

The weather has finally cooled off a bit and I've been a little more comfortable - it's only been about 75 during the day and dropping into the 60's at night. Makes for a lot better sleeping.

Papa is home with lunch - gonna go eat before it gets cold!!

4:11 update: PeeWee is going to spend the next few weeks in the "shelter" because there are NO openings in foster homes right now. This is disgusting!!

See ya!

Judges

I don not care for judges. At this time I am feeling like they are the bane of our legal system. I have felt this way since Thursday about noon. Ya see, a judge that does not have any idea who our little PeeWee is has decided that his parents know best - and he will not be allowed to travel with us to California. It does not matter that the Mom is only allowed a 1 hour supervised visit each week (and has missed over half of them) and Dad has never seen him (he is in jail and has been since baby's birth) - they were transported to the courthouse and the judge decided that they knew what is best for the baby. We were not told what time to be there - our phone message from the day before was not returned until the DCM (Dependency Case Manager) called to tell us that PeeWee will "just have to go to respite" for the time of our trip. I just am not happy with the idea of our little "fountain" going and staying with strangers for 3 weeks when he does not need to. Of course, that is just my opinion. The DCM, the judge, and evidently the parents don't think he is old enough to know who is careing for him. I disagree with thier opinions - so where does that leave PeeWee - at respite!!!

Well, we are getting ready for our trip! Baby 2 is going with us - his judge overruled his parents and said that they didn't have a good enough reason to disrupt his placement. I went to good ol' WallyWorld and got him some new little duds for the visit. He is now touristed out like you wouldn't believe. But how touristy can a 5 month old get ? ?) I am trying to teach him that he CAN go to sleep on my lap - he does not need to be laying straight out in his bed before he closes his eyes. He is smiling and cooing nicely so he will be a big hit at the airport and on the plane. I got a "snuggly" in preparation for taking PeeWee so I don't think I will need that - but we got a "Maya Wrap" for carrying Lonnie. I got an xl and let out - it is longer than I am tall. I could put him in it and kick him along with my knees!!! Papa looks at it very warily (the snuggly was way to small to fit around him). I don't know if he will ever use it or not. I will try - but with my shoulders the way they are - it's debateable.

I had a garage sale over the weekend - it ran 2 full days as well as just getting all the stuff out there on Thursday. It is now Sunday Afternoon and there have been 2 shoppers visit - oh, my neighbor stopped and said she will take anything that is free after the sale. I sold 2 picture frames without glass and a dress that is 3 sizes to big for me and I hoped never to grow into. I did like all the book and mag ads say and got everything that does not fit or I haven't worn or used in a year and put it all out in the screen room. Trying to "unclutter". Trouble is with 5--6 kids at a time - most things get used at least a little - so I cleaned mostly out of closets and under beds. The visible clutter is all stuff we use. So - - my garage sale not only didn't get rid of the clutter - it was a major blow to my ego - no one even stopped to see what I had!!! Like they all know - I wouldn't have anything that anyone else would want/need or like to have!!!

And to top my week-end off - I had nursery duty at Church today!! It's not the idea of Nursery. This is a very necessary service - but since Papa won't let our babies go to Nursery until they are 6 months old - He stayed home with the babies while I went in and watched the 2 boys that were there. I did have a real nice chat with ZoeAnn. She is an extremely nice woman that loves the little ones dearly. It was a nice relaxing hour - well spent actually. And I stopped at Wendy's on the way home and brought Papa some lunch too. The babies are asleep and since he's eaten = so is Papa.

So = I'm taking my bruised ego and my indignation with the legal system and going out to take my stress out on the weeds that insist on invading the flower beds!!!

Enough for today - hope your weekends fared better ! ! ! !

(Almost) Empty Nest!

Our home is quiet. Too quiet! Our toddlers have gone to a wonderful couple that are planning to adopt them. The world needs more people like them. We aren't looking to adopt so we are very happy for the children and thier chance for a "Forever Family". So now we only have the 2 infants keeping us company. And they are so different! PeeWee wants to stay up and watch the late show before he has his last little bit of bottle and then sleeps until 9 am or so - but then there is Lonnie!! He wants to go to bed with the chickens and he just knows the reason for him to be on this earth is to wake the roosters before daylight so they can be ready to crow when the sun comes up. Papa usually gets up with him as he is more the morning person. PeeWee and I hang out at night. So all is worked out well with those two.

We are getting ready for another little trip to San Diego. I am having a hard time with not wishing the days away as I really miss the kids. ALL of them - Even my special baby - S'te. We have the travel orders all ready for Lonnie but have to go to hearing tomorrow for PeeWee. So we know that one is traveling with us - maybe two. I was supposed to have a Dr appointment there but the insurance company messed up and didn't confirm it - so they've made another appointment for June - so I get 2 trips!! Papa said we will go ahead and visit this time anyway
as the arrangements have already been made and I haven't seen our babies since October . I'm so happy!!

I'm trying to do a little spring cleaning. It's hard to get enthused when it is to hot to breathe by 9:30 in the morning!! Our temps have been in the 80 & 90 degree range for the last 2 weeks. It cooled all the way down to 70 last night - respite. I did get some sleep. Anyhow, as I pull things out for a "yard sale" Papa either brings them back in or says "we can just go ahead and donate that" instead of trying to put a price on it. So I think I will just put everything out in boxes and he can take it to goodwill. It doesn't bother me any!! I'm not good at pricing things anyway. I don't want it !! Just take it!!! ha ha

So, all is well and quiet - Sharen and S'te have both put new posts up so I had something to read and I'm all happy now!!

What about you?

Life

And LIFE goes on. It's a paltry little saying - isn't it? The news yesterday about the new little grandbaby we were expecting hit me rather hard. Here is a young couple that is doing and has done everything that they can possibly do to make life good for the many young children that have passed thru their lives as well as for the ones that God has provided to stay with them. And here they must go thru the loss of an unborn child. Loss of a child thru death is terribly hard on parents. I want so badly to be there with them - to hold and comfort them - but life has caused another type of loss for me - the loss thru life. My child has a family of her own to morn with her, care for her, and bring joy back into her life. She also has her deep faith in God and his love. Through the passing of years and the adding of the wonderful family that they have caused to be - I am no longer the Mommy that can heal her hurts with a kiss, an intervention, or offering my lap for a good cry. This caused me much pain. I have been very blessed in that it took so long before this time came. For many parents this part of life comes much sooner and less gradually. For me - it showed up with a huge slam. First reading that there was a new child expected - I had mistakenly thought that we were closer than that. Then reading of the horrible news - this made it all hit home. I am a very selfish person - I am taking thier tragedy and personalizing it. But it is my tragedy too. My daughter lost a child - and I feel as though I have lost the most precious thing that I have ever had - my close relationship with my daughter. And if I knew what do do to change that - or if the Lord in his wisdom will help me with the acceptance of this - I would be eternally grateful - because this deep feeling of loss is with me now. Why? All I can really do is ask WHY?

The Big Yellow House

The Big Yellow House and *Carmen at http://momtothescreamingmasses.typepad.com/ both did blogs today on the stupid things people say to people with large families!! The funniest story that I have on that is:

Several years ago, when S'te only had 6 children of her own and 4 foster children and I had 2 foster babies: we went to Babies R Us for port-a-cribs. She wanted one and I wanted one so we thought that we would get the "twins" deal there. We shopped for quite some time and the kids were really, really good. They all interacted like one huge happy family!! I was so proud of all of them. We were at the checkout stand with our slips for 2 more cribs and the checker asked me, "Are all of these kids yours?" Now mind you, there were 12 children and not only were several within months of the same age, we had all kinds of nationalities. We had hispanic, black, white, and mixed children. I believe we even had a Korean child in the mix. Anyhow, I didn't think much of it, I just answered, "Two are mine and the rest are my daughters" to which my daughter of 25 or so piped up with, "But Mom, I'M YOURS TOO". Which made us all laugh really hard. As if I would have forgotten that she is mine. Actually, the answer should have just been "YES" because they are all mine. My FAMILY. We have always considered any child that resides within any of our walls - ours.

I am always shocked by the people that ask wonderously "Are they yours". If you don't know us - Papa is a white haired, white bearded, Santa looking kind of guy, over 60 and I'm a short, round, salt & pepper brunette that is over 50. So when we go somewhere with 3 1/2, 2 yo twins, a 4 month and 2 month old of hispanic, caucasian, and black/indian heritage - no I don't think I birthed them - but guess what - yes, they are mine. Mine to love and care for until they are taken to thier forever homes. And only the good Lord knows when that may be.

We have had a visit with another potential "forever family". They seem very nice and very, very excited about becoming instant parents. This is wonderful and I enjoyed watching them and the children get together an learn about each other. I hope that this special couple understands that one of the special problems for foster children is thier willingness to soak up every bit of attention that ANYONE will offer - then walk off and totally forget them. I believe in my heart, that this ability is thier own form of insulation. They have been forgotten by the many and they forget the many. We teach our birth children not to talk to strangers. Don't go with strangers. If strangers try to touch you, run and yell. But when you are a foster child - strangers pick you up to transport you, strangers come to the park and play with you, strangers take you to thier homes - and you have NOTHING to say about it. You (the child) have to trust "the system" and if you have foster parents that don't care for the above - the workers lable the FP's as over-reactive and interferring. Well, today Papa let the workers know that we would transport to the meeting - over thier objections. We suggested and invited the PFF (potential forever family) to visit the kids at home before a pajama party is done. The workers overruled this by setting up a "weekend pajama party" for Thursday - Sunday - without any contact before then. So much for the childrens best interests and ease of transition;. I know these workers have place children in many homes. My question is - how many have transitioned children out of thier homes? It might not be the best thing in the world to just pack them up one day and say - you're going to spend the next 4 days here and then you are going back home and then you are going to spend some more days here and some more days at home and then you are going to move to the new home. Now, have I confused you as to what is happening? Imagine how they feel?

Enough of a rant for today. Looking forward to the California trip and had wonderful news from the Money Pit about Rod's deployment. Can't get much better than this. The best of all the worlds.