The Passing Week

I got thru the week with only one really down day. Of that I am gratefull. I remember back when I only had 1 good day a week, week after week. It's true that time eases pain - the constant pain. The sense of loss, anger, and disbelief is still with me - and probably always will. I try to focus on the good memories - not the fact that there aren't as many as there should've been. The good things in life. The blessings that I have received as I've gotten older. Those are the things I TRY to remember. It doesn't always work - but I TRY.

Papa left yesterday morning to see his family. It might very well be a good thing that I couldn't go. God works in strange ways. There were so many roadblocks put in the way of us going along that I finally accepted that this is the way it is meant to be. This way he can have some quality time with his Mom (who is a lovely person) and his other family (who don't particularly care for me). He will be home on Saturday and I really, really look forward to having him home again. He hasn't been gone like this for a couple of years now and I've gotten used to having him around (hahaha)

I was blessed with being able to get a good night's sleep last night - slept all night long!! - and woke this morning feeling really good. Even woke before the kids so I had time for coffee and getting my eyes open before the day started!! We got around, bathed and dressed in time for Sunday School. Mr. Tom did a great job on our lesson this morning and Pastor Bert was really in 'em. He delivered a really strong message. I absorb the force of God's love and get a strong feeling of peace as I sit there and listen. His faith is soooo strong. It shines like a light right from him. There are others in our Church that are like him in ways but I really don't know anyone there other than to say hello to. I don't know if they would recognise me without a string of children - or outside of the building. Not many people do. I need an "identifier". And I've always had one - someones' wife, someones' Mom, the one with all the kids, etc. I guess that's what happens when you resemble the "all-American person".

We came home, had lunch, since it was beautifully sunny, we walked up to the clubhouse for the Ice Cream Social. We were early so we went up to put our feet in the pool. While there, a BIG BLACK HUGE BLACK GIANT BLACK cloud came in over us. We headed inside and the dam broke. It absolutely poured rain, the wind gusted and the lights flickered. It was horrible. Not much else to do, we had our ice cream, I hauled Felix out of the kitchen a dozen or so times, and not long after we finished, so did the rain. Since we were walking - I took the break and headed for home. So I didn't really socialize at the social. But then - I usually don't much. People have their little groups and mine has 4 kids in it - so the adults tend to stay away.

So, we are home, the kids in bed, the rain is pouring, but blue is starting to shine thru. If Felix would've stayed out of the kitchen - we could've still been up there. Que sera sera.

Hope the week goes by quickly, I miss Papa.