To my Son

As last I saw you

More pain cannot be wrung from those who wait

In fear and hope of both the worst and best.

Some day, perhaps, their hearts might find some rest,

Sure in grief or joy of their clear fate.

In the meantime, time is agony;

No second passes but impatiently,

Given the cruel passions of their state.

Nicholas Gordon

In many ways, it's as if I last saw you

Recently the image is so clear--

Even your eyes, hidden behind sunglasses on the pier;

Nor does it take much to restore you

Exactly, as if once again you were here.

Nicholas Gordon

This does not even begin to describe what the last 20 years has been like. I know that many have done much more and been more zealous than I, and for that I am so sorry. Overwhelmed and and filled with disbelief that this horrible thing could possibly truly be happening - in reality - I have no excuse. I didn't know what to do and depended on all the wrong people for their expert answers. I was so, so wrong. I don't know what else I could've done - there had to have been something more.

I know only that on this 20th Anniversary, I am still unable to describe the wonder and love that you brought to my life.

I regret only the times that I didn't stop and listen and laugh with you, when I thought I was busy and didn't spend the time I should've with you. Not until you were gone did I realize how little so many other things mattered and how much so many little things did. You are my first-born and my baby son. I look into my head and see your laughing eyes and smiling face. I see the intent look you have when concentrating or something is puzzling you. Nothing anyone has done can ever take away my wonderful memories.

God Willing, the unknown will someday be known, this I do pray for daily. I love you Son. Always have and Always will. Someday we will be together again.

Above picture taken March, 1986,Jeremy 13, S'te 8

Picture at side is computer Aged to 23 by Missing and Exploited Children

For those who read this, make sure you tell your children you love them EVERY time they leave. If you haven't contacted loved ones in a while - do it NOW. Let others' hearts and minds rest - you may find a peace of your own. Please ~ in Memory of Jeremy